"ENGINEERS AND HR OFFICERS"

3 Real Life Stories...

 
1.     The First …

Eleven people were dangling below a helicopter on a rope.  There were ten HR people and one engineer.

Since the rope was not strong enough to hold all the eleven, they decided that one of them had to let go to save all the others.
They could not decide who should be the volunteer.  Finally the engineer said he would let go of the rope since engineers are used to do everything for the company.  They forsake their family, don't claim all of their expenses and do a lot of overtime without getting anything in return.
When he finished his moving speech all the HR people began to clap…
 
 Moral:
 
Never underestimate the powers of the engineer.
 

2.     The Second …

 
A group of engineers and a group of HR people take a train to a conference.  Each HR person holds a ticket.  But the entire group of engineers has bought only one ticket for a single passenger.  The HR people are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant engineers will finally get what they deserve.
Suddenly one of the engineers calls out: "The conductor is coming!".  At once, all the engineers jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets.  The conductor checks the tickets of the HR people.  When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please!"  One of the engineers slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round.
For the return trip the HR people decide to use the same trick.  They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the engineers didn't buy any tickets at all.   After a while one of the engineers announces again: "The conductor is coming!"  Immediately all the HR people race to a toilet and lock themselves in.
All the engineers leisurely walk to the other toilet.  Before the last engineer enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the HR people and says:  "Ticket, please!"
 
Moral:
 
HR people like to use the methods of the engineers, but they don't really understand them.
 

3.     The Third …

 
Once upon a time three HR people were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river.  But they desperately had to get to the other side.
 
 
 But how, with such a raging torrent? 
 
The first HR guy knelt down and prayed to the Lord:  "Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river!"
 
*pppppfffffffuuuuff ffffff*
 
The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs.  Now he could swim across the river.  It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times.
 
BUT… he was successful!
 
The second HR guy, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said:  "Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!"
 
*pppppfffffffuuuuff ffffff*
 
The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.
 
BUT… he was successful!
 
The third HR man who observed all this kneeled down and prayed:  "Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!"
 
*pppppfffffffuuuuff ffffff*
 
The Lord converted the HR man into an engineer.  He took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.
 
Moral:

You have to be an engineer to think intelligent, Otherwise…
 
GOD HELPS YOU!

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'. 

Editor: 'Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? '
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

'We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
 

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said 'This is your first time'.

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said 'This is your second time' and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?' ..

She gave a silent look and said: 'This is your first time!!!'.' 

Husband:'That's it. We are happy ever after. '

Thinking (Joke)

A man sees a woman getting chased by a dog.

When the dog is about to bite the woman,

the man intervenes and kicks the dog.

A reporter was seeing all this.

He said "That was great.

I'll definitely publish this in newspaper.

Tomorrow the headline will be

“LOCAL HERO SAVES LADY FROM A DOG”.

The man replied "Thank you, but I'm not from here.

I am from US". Reporter " OK.
Then the headline will be

“US CITIZEN SAVES WOMAN FROM A DOG”.

Man: Actually, I live in US but I'm not a US citizen.

I'm a Pakistani national".

Next day, the headline in the paper read .... .... .... .... .... .... ........ .... .... .... .... .... .... .... ....

“TERRORIST ATTACKS A LOCAL DOG”.

6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . .

********

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.

6 months : Of course I love U.

6 years : Offo, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.

6 months : BACK!!

6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.

6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.

6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.

6 months : Here, for you.

6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!

6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?

6 years : AGAIN!!!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.

6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.

6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.

6 months : You bought a new dress again???

6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??

6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?

6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?

6 months : I like this movie.

6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself . . .

A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an
Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical
project. It had the subject - "TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition
he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-

Dear Sir,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the
job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had
to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry
but I had no choice.

The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which
only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry
about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have
been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would
not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your
convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing
this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight
and "big heart".

I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose
of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you.
Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am
breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a parting gift from our Dear
company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another
City.

Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in
touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with
me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our
company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you
would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our
company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.

Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your
company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for
the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If
you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to
apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.

Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer

And the Best Part

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the
Boss read:
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PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at
client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life
than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail.
Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to
discuss this.

My respect and Best Regards to you!

--
Thanks & regards,