In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE  DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

 
ANNIVERSARY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A  NIGHT  OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

 
YOUR  PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE  BIG  QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response  (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Wives think, we are working,

Boss thinks we are sick :)

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room.
'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee,
'Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?'
he asks solemnly.

'Yes I do' she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?'

'Yes! I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.
'Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his
cheek and said,'I would have been released today!' L L

BE A REALLY GOOD HUSBAND…

For a woman, a good husband is the best thing in life

This very world can become Paradise

What are the things he should do and not do

Keep on reading and I will tell you

Be generous with money, there’s no doubting this

It’s an important ingredient of marital bliss

Spending on family is rewarded by God

If done with the intention of pleasing the Lord

He should treat his wife well, express his love

Appreciate her for all that she does

When he comes home from work, greet her and smile

Realise that household chores is no easy life

He should share in the housework, lend her a hand

Be patient with her, sometimes say “Thanks’

A compliment or two also goes a long way

‘I just loved the food you cooked today.”

Avoid scolding her and in fact, he should try

To not say things that will make her cry

A woman is sensitive - it’s the emotions in her

That makes her so loving, and a fine nurturer

If she should err, rather than shout

Explain to her gently what it’s all about

As for important decisions in life

He should take them after consulting his wife

She is after all, his partner and friend

Happily together should their life be spent

It’s a great opportunity, not to be lost

Why go for conflict when life is so short

I urge you my friend, take my advice

Be kind, patient, generous, enjoy Paradise.