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<<<...MARKETING...>>>

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go up to her & say,"I am very rich, Marry me...!!!" This is Direct Marketing.

2. You are at a party with a bunch of frndz & see a gorgeous girl. One of ur frnd gossips to her & pointing at you, says "He is very rich. Marry Him". That is Advertising. 

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her & get her telephone number. The next day you call & say,"Hi, I am very rich, Marry me." That is Telemarketing. 

4. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her & say," I am very rich, Marry Me." She gives you a nice hard slap on ur face. That is Customer's Feedback  

5. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap.

6. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

7. You're! at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition.

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share.

9. You see and gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets. 

• “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher” - Socrates

• "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.” - Patrick Murray

• I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.- Sacha Guitry

• After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.-  Hemant Joshi

• Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas

• The great question... which I have not been able to answer...is, "What does a woman want? - Sigmund Freud

• I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Anonymous

• "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes

Tuesdays, I go Fridays."-  Henny Youngman

• "I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." - Sam Kinison

• "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran

• Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it (2). Whenever you're right, shut up. - Nash

• The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... - Anonymous

• You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Henny Youngman

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous

• A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." - Anonymous

• First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Guess the words :

1. man

-----------

  board

Ans. = man overboard

2. stand

------------

       i

Ans. = I understand

OK?....get the hang of it? Let's try a few now & see how you fare?

3. /r/e/a/d/i/n/g/

Ans. = reading between the lines

4. r

  road

   a

   d

Ans. = cross road

5. cycle

   cycle

   cycle

Ans. = tricycle

6. t

   o

   w

   n

Ans. = downtown

7. le /

     / vel

    /

Ans. = split level

8 . 0

------------

   M.D.

   Ph.D.

Ans. = two degrees below zero

9. knee

------------

   light

Ans. = neon light (knee-on-light)

10. ii ii

-----------

     O O

Ans. = circles under the eyes

11. cover

---------

      cop

Ans. = undercover cop

12. dice

     dice

Ans. = paradise

13. t

     o

     u

     c

     h

Ans. = touchdown

14. ground

---------------

     feet

     feet

     feet

     feet

     feet

     feet

Ans. = six feet underground

15. he's / himself

Ans. = he's by himself

16. ecnalg

Ans. = backward glance

17. death / life

Ans. = life after death

18. THINK

Ans. thinks big !!

19. going

---------

    ccc

Ans. Going overseas

And the last one is.............. see if you can guess this !!!

20. ababaaabbbbaaaabbbbababaabbaaabbbb....

Ans. long time, no c

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the

other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands.

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. Wet.

Q. What looks like half apple?

A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?

A : Dinner.

Q. What gets wet with drying?

A : A towel.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?

A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Why is it easy to weigh a fish?

A : Because it has its own scales.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid

  Q. Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"A. The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question.""Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this: "What comes first, Day or Night?" The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!""How" the interviewer asked,"Sorry sir,you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"  

Second Richest man in the World There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second
richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very
interesting aspects of his life:
1) He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he
started too late!
2) He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering
newspapers.
3) He still lives in the same small 3 bedroom house in mid-town Omaha ,
that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has
everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a  wall or a
fence.
4) He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or
security people around him.
5) He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest
private jet company.
6) His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only
one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals
for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis.
7) He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose
any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule
number 1.
8) He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time
after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch
television.
9) Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only
5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with
Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But
when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates
became a devotee of Warren Buffet.
10) Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his
desk.
11) His advice to young people: Stay away from credit cards and invest
in yourself.

• Santa: Oye, tera vyah ho gaya?
Banta: Haan
Santa: Kudi naal.
Banta: Oye, munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan, meri sister da hoya si.

• Veeru: Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna.
Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Aray naachegi kaise nahi, kutte ka bhi ticket liya hai

• In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

• Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se

• In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW

• Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents

• Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am

• Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.

• Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Santa gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!

• Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI

• Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

• Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

• Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more