In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE  DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

 
ANNIVERSARY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A  NIGHT  OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

 
YOUR  PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE  BIG  QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response  (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room.
'Why are you down here at this time of night?'

The husband looks up from his coffee,
'Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?'
he asks solemnly.

'Yes I do' she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?'

'Yes! I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.
'Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his
cheek and said,'I would have been released today!' L L

Women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriend's and one of them confirmed that they celebrated birthday party.
 
Men: A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning  that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night. The wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartment that night and the other 5 claimed that he was still there with them!
 
Conclusion of the story: Men are better friends!!!! J

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known 'happy going marriage'. 

Editor: 'Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? '
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said:

'We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.
Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses.

My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.
 

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said 'This is your first time'.

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.

This time she again kept calm and said 'This is your second time' and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: 'What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?' ..

She gave a silent look and said: 'This is your first time!!!'.' 

Husband:'That's it. We are happy ever after. '