Wife T.V per cricket match daikh rahi thi.Husband smart aur bun than k aya or bola "JANU
MAIN KESA LAG RAHA HUN?
Tabhi wife zor se chillayi.,"CHAKKA"


Sardar to Girlfriend= main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.
Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai. Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche


Wats da height of hope?
sittin in da exam hall, holdin da questn paper in hand n teln urslf
"dude, don worry. Exams wil gt postpond"All d best:)



 Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue
would I be showing?
 Sam : Brotherly love.



 Wife : Do you want dinner?
 Husband : ok, what are my choices?
 Wife : Yes and no.



 Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne  Flag  Dikhaya,
 Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.



 koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha tha ki achanak bijli
 chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:
 Lagta hai pahunch gai :-)



aik fakir bus stop  pay kharay howay admi say.....
bhai ALLAH kay naam pay do ropay day do rooti khaonga....
Admi tamater khaoo.....
fakir us kay paas kharay howay admi say khayta hay bhai aajeeb admi hay
main khayraha hon roti khani hay do ropay day do yah kahyraha hay itni mayhanggayi kay dor
main tamater khaoo.......
dosra admi........bhai fakir yah aadmi totla hay aur tum ko khayraha hay kama kr khaoo



Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?. It is just a formality, like
two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins


Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident
case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!


 Once a Sardar ji rescued 6 people from a house burning on fire;
 But still the Sardar ji was jailed, why?
 Because all the rescued persons were fire fighters


 Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
 Husband : Nothing.
 Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an  hour ...??
 Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.


 Burhiya: Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he  osse nahi dekh
raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
 Aadmi:Aray.. ! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.





Gabbar: Kitne admi they?
Sambha: Sardar 2
Gabbar: Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba: Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai
Gabbar: Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba: 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar: To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba: Beech mein koi nahi aata>
Gabbar:: To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba: 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar: 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba: 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar: Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba: Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do




GABBAR: "Kittnay bugs thay"?
KALIA: "Do sarkaar"
GABBAR: "Woh do! Aur tum teen.
Phir bhee fix nahin kar sake?
Kya soch kay aaye ho?
Gabbar bahut khuhs hoga?
Naya assignment dega, kyoon?
Iski saja milegi.. Barobbar milegi"

[ Snatches an X terminal from Sambaa ]

"Kitne sessions hain, is machine mein?"
Sambaa: Chhey Sarkaar.
GABBAR: "Session chhey aur programmer teen. Bahoot naa-insaafi hai.

[logout.. logout... logout....]

Haan.. ab theek hai... Ab tera kyaa hoga kaalia?"
KAALIA: "Sarkaar, maine aapka code likha tha, sarkar?"
GABBAR: " To ab documentation likh !!!"

-----------------[LOGOUT... LOGOUT.. LOGOUT...]------------------

Connection Disconnected. Ha ha ha ha ha ha..
ha ha ha ha ha...
hahahahahahaha (Gabbar Style)




Fastest Thing In The World.....
Four guys, one from Harvard, 2nd from Yale, 3rd from MIT university and 4th SANTA SINGH
from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question
was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach
cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!





Hidden Cameras
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living
room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy
on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are
watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"



PRINCIPAL: Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200
Rs. fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI: Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu.



Two Strangers were traveling by same plan. After getting their seats , one said to other
.....

First : Hello ,you are looking tired.
second : Hi , yes I am tired .
1st : Are you from China ?
2nd : (Answering with smile ) No .
1st: (After some time ) Do u like Chinese rice ?
2nd : (passing a smile ) No .
1st : Strange, isn't it ?
2nd :Strange what ?
1st : A Chinese does not like Chinese rice .
2nd :My friend I am not Chinese.
1st : Ops, sorry .

1st: (After some time ) Is ur father from China ?
2nd: No No
1st : Mom ?
2nd: Neither she nor I . Will u plz be quite ?
1st : As u wish .
1st : (After some time ) what does "Ching choung chung " means ?
2nd :I don't know Chinese. I don't..
1st : Strange isn't it ?
2nd : Now strange what ?
1st : A Chinese doesn't know his language. Is it not strange ?
2nd : HEY You (shouting) I am not from china .
1st : Then from where you are ?
2nd : My father told me ,not to talk with strangers.
1st: Okay ,now relax. It's okay, relax.

(After some time )
1st : Nice hair cut .
2nd : (Looking with anger at first )
1st : Oh ! I see Japanese .
2nd: Will you shut up ?
1st :Okay ,now relax. It's okay, relax.

(After some time )
1st : Have you met Jacky chun ?
2nd :(Shouting) What a dump,silly,and stupid thing to say also idiot and ridiculous more
then       hideous. What do u want ?
1st: I just ........I just .........
2nd : (Interrupting) I am Chinese, my father is Chinese, my mother is Chinese, my
neighours,my friends, all are Chinese . even my forefathers were Chinese. Now tell me what
do you want ?
1st : Are you Chinese ?
2nd : Yes , I am .

(The whole staff and passengers of plan were looking at them )
1st : Oh !  you are ..
2nd : Yes ,Yes , Yes
1st : But you don't look like Chinese . :(




A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !



Driver: Ma'am you have to give me Rupees 80/- as your taxi fare. Passenger: Take this 80/-
Rupees. And 50/-paise more as your tip. Driver: Ma'am you are insulting me by giving 50
paise as tip. You should atleast give me 50 paise more. Passenger: I don't want to insult
you twice.



 21st Century...

Our communication - Wireless
Our  telephone - Cordless
Our  youth - Jobless
Our  food - Fatless
Our  labour - Effortless
Our  cooking - Fireless
Our  conduct - Worthless
Our boss - Brainless
Our  relation - Loveless
Our dress - Topless
Our  attitude - Careless
Our  feelings - Heartless
Our  politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies -  Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job  - Thankless
and
Our Salary -  Very less ?




 I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies
after me."
"Oh is that so?" asked the confused manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."



 Santa: Oye, tera vyah ho gaya?
Banta: Haan
Santa: Kudi naal.
Banta: Oye, munde naal v hunda hai kya?
Santa: Haan, meri sister da hoya si.



 Veeru: Basanti in kutton ke aage mat naachna.
Santa sitting with his dog in d theater. Aray naachegi kaise nahi, kutte ka bhi ticket
liya hai



 In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr.....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...



 Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne
Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se




 HER DIARY

Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to  meet at a cafe to have
some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long,  so I thought he was upset at
the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he
agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I
asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and
not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't
explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me
anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent. Finally I
decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes he came. I decided that I could not take it
anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost
sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

 My life is a disaster.



 HIS DIARY

 Today PAKISTAN lost. DAMN IT.



 In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, Main
tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer tio mein kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW



 Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For u n ur parents



 Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am



 Banta: Yaar teri wife di maut da bara afsos hoya, vaise hoya ki si?
Sant: Goli lagi si mathe vich.
Banta: Waheguru ji da shukar kar ke akh bach gayi.



 Santa apni khoobsurat Bibi k saath car mein baitha. Driver ne sheesha set kiya. Santa
gusse mein bola, meri bibi ko dekhkta hai, piche baith, car mein chalaoonga!



 Banta: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Santa: Oye tenuh eh vi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte
hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI



 Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some
talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.



 Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.


 Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Santa: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more



Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok

Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan

Interviewer : Good... Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad.... Put it Down

Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad

Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don't Take my seat

Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat

Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in

Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me

Interviewer : ....!!!



 Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter
to her: "I luv u sister."



1980's :
girl : mama can i wear jeans?
mama : na beta, log kia kahain gain.
2006's
girl : mana can i wear mini skirt?
mama : pehan meri bachi, kuch to pehan.



 Banta per pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.



 Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: "Exide" laga du?
Santa: Kyun, Dusri side tera baap lagayega?



 Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS
also!



 Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, parhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, parhnewala mahan



 Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!



 Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka
bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."



 Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"



 Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!



 Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A: Because they advertised:
'Free Delivery'



DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad.

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son,
I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"  "Well, I saw your Mom
and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO .Then I set up a date
via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a
secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard
drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one
of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete
button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her
operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from
a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS.

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got
Male'!"



 A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.




 Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?